The English Language
  • I was just browsing through other peoples e-mails when I came across this little bit of reasearch
    on some signs, from various parts of the world, written for their english speaking visitors.

    English is a strange language.

    Cocktail lounge, Norway:
    LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE
    BAR.

    At a Budapest zoo:
    PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY
    SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE
    GUARD ON DUTY.

    Doctor's office, Rome:
    SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

    Hotel, Acapulco:
    THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER
    SERVED HERE.

    Booklet about using a hotel air conditioner,
    Japan:
    COOLES AND HEATES; IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM
    AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE
    CONTROL YOURSELF.

    Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
    WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE
    THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM
    MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES
    YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM
    WITH VIGOUR.

    Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
    TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

    In a Nairobi restaurant:
    CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO
    SEE THE MANAGER.

    On the grounds of a private school in Scotland:
    NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

    On a highway sign in Australia:
    TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER; THIS
    ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

    On a poster in Sydney :
    ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN
    HELP.

    In a New Zealand restaurant:
    OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

    On a South African building:
    MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

    A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer
    in Germany:
    DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

    In a South African maternity ward:
    NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

    In an Italian cemetery:
    PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM
    ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

    Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
    GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER
    DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
    OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

    In a Tokyo bar:
    SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

    In a Bangkok temple:
    IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A
    FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

    Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
    PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

    Hotel brochure, Italy:
    THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND
    SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL
    OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

    Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
    THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING
    THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU
    WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

    Hotel elevator, Paris:
    PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

    Hotel, Yugoslavia:
    THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE
    JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

    Hotel, Japan:
    YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE
    CHAMBERMAID.

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a
    Russian Orthodox monastery:
    YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE
    FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
    COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY
    EXCEPT THURSDAY.

    Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
    NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF
    REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF
    ASCENSION.

    Taken from a menu, Poland:
    SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP
    WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE
    FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF
    RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY
    PEOPLE'S FASHION.

    Supermarket, Hong Kong:
    FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS,
    EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

    >From the "Soviet Weekly":
    HERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY
    15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS
    AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST
    TWO YEARS.

    In an East African newspaper:
    A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE
    SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE
    THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

    Hotel, Vienna:
    IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE
    HOTEL PORTER.

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
    IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST
    CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF
    DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE
    TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
    UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS
    PURPOSE.

    Hotel, Zurich:
    BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING
    GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE
    BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED
    FOR THIS PURPOSE.

    An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
    TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

    A laundry in Rome:
    LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE
    AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

    Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
    TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE
    GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

    Advertisement for donkey rides, Greece:
    WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

    The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
    GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

    In a Swiss Mountain inn:
    SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

    Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
    WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL
    DIRECTIONS.

    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
    IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE
    WELCOME TO IT.
  • Ah...those were great, especially the one about the pleasuring of the opposite sex in the lobby!

    :D
  • Those were really funny, I wonder if the one from Sydney is from here, or Australlia! If you cannot read, we can help you! :D :lol:
  • MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.[/b]

    Been there, done that
    :lol:
  • Ah classic!!! :D They're very good.
  • Very nice. I enjoyed them all. :D
  • Ha ha ha, those were great. :D
  • Have to agree those are classics and you know I barely knew that the English language was so confusing before now. Thanks for pointing it out to me Knowse I think I might be able to have a little fun with this latest development. :lol: