• Dear Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

    YeR FReND,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

    Santa

    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

    Love,
    Joey

    Dear Joey,
    Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

    Santa
    _______________________

    Dear Santa,
    I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

    Love,
    Michelle

    Dear Michelle,
    It blows my mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,

    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Carrots make the deer fart in my face.

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house...

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiny begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.

    Santa
    _______________________
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your butt whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!

    Santa
  • Hmm Santa is a cynical jerk well this one is anyways...
  • General Red said:
    Hmm Santa is a cynical jerk well this one is anyways...


    In my day that was known as humor.... :mellow: