God's Thoughts.....


  • GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS

    GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
    world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to
    the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I
    had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
    in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
    The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,
    honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
    garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green
    rectangles.

    ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.
    The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and
    went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
    butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
    sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
    that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
    and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
    and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
    really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
    cut it - sometimes twice a week.

    GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
    bags.

    GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
    grow.
    And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

    GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
    cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
    growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass
    stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
    water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
    sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
    leaves
    in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
    autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep

    moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as
    they
    rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural
    circle
    of life.

    ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
    a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
    great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD: Noooo. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
    the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
    something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
    around in place of the leaves.

    GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD: Enough!!! I don't want to think about this anymore. St.
    Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
    scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
    about ...

    GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

    :unsure:
  • poor God. He has to go through such headache and then he is offered to watch Dumb and Dummer.
    :think:
    hehe, now that i think about it. its funny.
  • Heheheheheheh!

    It's funny but it's a bit to long for my liking!!! :lol: :clap: :D :D :D
  • Originally posted by Darkraven17@May 26 2003, 10:48 AM
    Dumb and Dummer.

    Sorry Darkraven but I had to point this out. You must be in the sequel, Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer. ;)

    Those 'suburbanites' are retards. Don't rake your lawn, that grass adds much need nutrients to the lawn. Don't rake the leaves, mulch them up as well.

    Silly, just silly. But then again by looking at my lawn you'd think that I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a lot of work ahead of me. :(
  • That was absolutely brilliant! I'm also an offender. There's nothing like a different perspective to give one something to mull over. A friend of mine was renting a house with another fellow and had a neighbour who did nothing at all to their back yard. One can only assume the neighbours owned the house. It was quite incredible to see. A microcosm of what the natural environment probably would have looked like without the suburban environment. I bet those people were some of the most hated people in the whole town. You have to respect that.