• A moderately talented out of work actor was making a living waiting tables in a Westwood Bistro when his Hollywood agent called him on the phone.
    "Get over here, right away! I have the perfect part for you...one line! The producer's in my office now, so hurry!"
    The actor dropped his tray, and ran to a cab. The cabbie drove like mad across town to the agent's office, and the actor dashed upstairs, stopped on the stoop, regained his composure and coolly strolled into the office. He hugged his agent, shook hands with the producer, and a sheet of paper was handed to him. He looked at the paper for a moment, thought about it, and said
    "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    The producer said "Perfect! You're hired! The show starts tomorrow at 5pm, the address of the theater is on my card. Good day, gentlemen." and with that, the producer left the office. The actor and the agent were ecstatic, because it had been a long time between gigs for the actor. That night, they went out and tore the town a new one. They went to strip clubs, they went to night clubs, and they drank and drank and drank. The next day, the actor woke up and looked at his watch
    "%&@$!, I'm late!"
    He ran down the street to the theater, saying to himself alll the while,
    "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!, Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    He caught a bus that stopped near the theater, saying to himself the whole time on the bus,
    "Hark! I hear the cannons roar, Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    When he arrived at the theater, he said to the doorman,
    "I'm Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    The doorman responded,
    "You're Hark! I hear the cannons roar? You're %&@$ing late! You'd better get in there!" so the doorman rushed the actor to makeup. The makeup artist said "Who are you, then?" and the actor said,
    "I'm Hark! I hear the cannons roar!
    The makeup artist said, "You're Hark! I hear the cannons roar? Well, get in the chair!" In moments, the makeup artist had done a magnificent job on the actor, who was saying to himself (under his breath),
    "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!, Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    With the last dab of makeup, the makeup artist pushed the actor up and out of the chair and dragged him down the hall to the wardrobe master, to whom the actor blurted,
    "I"m Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    "You're Hark! I hear the cannons roar? You late $%^@#! , put this on!" threw him a costume and pushed the actor into a changing room. In the moments while he was dressing, the actor continued his mantra of
    "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!, Hark! I hear the cannons roar!"
    Once dressed, the actor began running to the stage where he met the stage manager who asked,
    "Are you Hark! I hear the cannons roar?" and the actor replied "Yes, I am Hark! I hear the cannons roar!." The stage manager said "Good. You're just in time. Now, get out there and break a leg!"
    Finally, the actor sauntered onto the stage.
    He strolled out on the boards to thunderous applause. The lights came up and then down, a spotlight settled on him as he was waving to his adoring audience. At just that time, a massive boom of sound like an explosion came from behind him, and the actor turned and said...

    "What the $%@# was that!?!?"


    TA-DA!!!!
  • Heeheeheeheeeeheeee, and thus was WB's acting career tragically ended! :harhar:
    (admit it, it was you!!) :bag:

    Good one man, very good. While yes, I've heard it before, I still can't help but get a chuckle out of the visual.