• If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

    Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

    Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

    Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper,but you'll also be getting paid for it.

    Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place.

    Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

    Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

    A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

    AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. Brilliant!

    HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
  • Jane S STAFF said:
    AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. Brilliant!


    That is a brilliant idea actually. That could work :D.
  • Except i would have to leave my engine running to have my wipers on. Not too good if im leaving the car for 2 hours to go shopping LOL!!
  • Jane S STAFF said:
    Except i would have to leave my engine running to have my wipers on. Not too good if im leaving the car for 2 hours to go shopping LOL!!


    Oh, you would? My truck has wipers that stay on even after you cut the car off. I almost left my wipers on the other day and was about to walk away, when I noticed they were still wiping :D.
  • Does that not drain your battery?

    Mine stop as soon as the engine stops. Strange eh? ;)
  • Jane S STAFF said:
    Does that not drain your battery?

    Mine stop as soon as the engine stops. Strange eh? ;)


    I'm sure it does drain the battery. I am always careful to cut off the air/heat plus the radio when I get out of the car. Definitely do not want to buy a new battery.

    It is strange that it's different for different cars. I guess it just depends on whatever the manufacturers want it to be.