The Bathtub Test...
  • It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
    Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

    "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

    "No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

    DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
  • An appropriate place to add this, me thinks...

    MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU:

    Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship
    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
    If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
    If you are unsure, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
  • HAHAHAHAHA.... NICE!!! I should have poseted that. It got sent to me last week. I couldnt pick a favorite one out of that list if I tried. They all crack me up!