My love, my hate...
  • Not sure if I did this right but here it goes...

    I've been thinking about giving you some insight into my life and found this to be the perfect place to play a game called "Too much information". I'm not the best writer on the planet so bare with me. I found this title to be appropriate as you will come to find in this series of blogs. I'm not only looking to entertain you, but to also show some life lessons I have learned. Enjoy...

    For this first one, I will take you back to when I met my ex....

    It was your average night out. A bunch of us guys got together every other day and went to the pub to play some pool, drink some beer and of course, there were the women. Before this particular night, I was pretty much a woman a week type. I was always scared to settle down but not afraid to fall in love. There were the same bunch of girls that had been hanging out at the pub for a few weeks. My friends always made comments and drooled over them but I usually kept to myself. I always let the women initiate the conversations. It was safer that way. Anyways, I was playing pool and it was my break. When I break, I mean, I really break. I didn't know that there was a woman walking behind me when I pulled back to break and I ended up not only hitting her arm with the stick but the beer bottle that was in that hand smacked her in the face and spilled beer all over the place. Her name was Lisa and this was the beginning of the end. Three days from that, we ended up sleeping together. OK, I know what you are thinking. I wasn't a whore. Well....not to the point of being branded as one I guess. lol Anyways, I must have had super sperm or something because no matter the precautions, she got preggo. She told me as soon as she found out. We had talked long and hard about the situation and two months later, we were engaged. It was my idea. I was only trying to do the right thing by promising myself that I would never allow my child to grow up without a father as I did. Everything was all well and good for the duration of the pregnancy. My son was born a healthy 8 pounder.
    Fast forward to a year later. I had calmed down in my ways and was getting used to the fact that I had come to the point of being settled. We had a house (rented thank god) and the beginnings of a family. We never had set a date on getting married. We figured when we do.....we do. She had started going out to clubs again and I was never into the club thing. Here in Jersey it gets old quick. She started going out and I stayed home with my son. This was the way it was for a long time.
    Fast forward to six years. (I'll spare you the details) By this time I had lost most of my friends due to her disliking them. She had started taking pills to the extent that I would avoid contact with her because she was so obnoxious. Our friends, including hers would tell me that I was too nice and deserved better. I always would hear bits and pieces of the possibility that she wasn't faithful. I refused to listen. Yes, there were some nights that she would come home at 4:00 in the morning wasted but I always kept thinking about my son and that promise I had made and pushed everything that I saw and heard to the deepest parts of my mind to forget them. I did confront her a couple of times and she always had made me feel guilty for even thinking that she was doing things behind my back. She ran my life. It got to the point that whenever we went out somewhere, I was always looking at the floor so she wouldn't think i was looking at another woman because she would point it out every time no matter the situation. Here is an example.... We were at a stop light and this really nice 69 Camaro pulls up beside us. I was in the passenger side and Lisa was driving so the car was on my side. I didn't even notice that there was a woman driving because I was so fascinated with the car. So from the time that the car pulled up and the light turned green was a total of about 6 seconds. The camaro goes, we go. Lisa screamed, "I f%@*'n saw that!!!" I didn't know what she was talking about and she screamed about me staring at some blonde that I didn't even know was there. Yep, this was what i was dealing with. I know what you are thinking.... "There are two sides to every story." I agree, but she looked for any excuse to yell and I tried like hell to not give her one. So here it was, six years later and I come home from work one day and she is sitting on the couch with a look I had never seen. I knew something was wrong right away. She asked me to sit down so I did. The first words out of her mouth were, "I have to tell you something before you hear it from somebody else." Immediately, my adrenaline rose and I braced myself. She said, "I haven't been faithful to you." I just looked at her and everything that I had tucked away that I had tried to forget, came rushing back. I said, "You might as well tell me everything.......everything" She started crying and told me about numerous times stemming from being with her ex during year one of our relationship to the guy that worked with her currently. I sat back and instead of crying, I felt relief. For the first time, things made sense. I didn't say a word to her. I called my sister and told her I was coming over in an hour. I never set another foot in that house again. Days afterwords, Lisa explained to me that from the beginning, she wasn't ready. She also went on to tell me that she tried to hide her guilt behind pills. It turned out that it was her family that forced her to tell me because of what I had become.....a sheltered, barely talking, non associating shell of a man. We never married.

    I think this is a good point to end this part. I don't know if I said too much or too little. I'm not secretive about my life like I used to be so I hope to add another part, wither its before this one or after.

    This is my life.... My love, my hate.

  • Next time I pop in the live chat and you're actually there and talking, I'll walk ya through creating a blog again.;)

    Girls can be brutal sometimes Nec. I was never bad to the point of what she was or seems to be by your post, but if you were to ask some of the guys I've dated they could certainly point out a few of my outrageous moments.

    By the way, I think it's admirable that you stuck with your son. Childhood is so much more fun and productive when you have both parents around.
  • I'm always talking when i'm there....just never to myself. Well, not yet. lol

    Just to make it clear.... It was not my intention to make women look bad in this. This was just a part in my life that made me who am today.