If You Wanna Write An English Paper..
  • I got these in an email and thought those of you who are very paticular on how to phrase things would get a kick out of it. The following are the worst analogies made in high school english papers. I can certainly say I tested my English teacher out by using one of these in a book report and she gave me the report back with a correction saying "Use better analogies".

    "He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
    who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
    with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
    schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
    those boxes with a pinhole in it."

    "She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
    dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
    open again."

    "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

    "McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled
    with vegetable soup."

    "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
    surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
    "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."

    "Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

    "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

    "Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
    T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
    mistake."

    "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

    "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."

    "The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
    them in hot grease."

    "Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie
    this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall
    Man.'"

    "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
    grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
    Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
    p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

    "The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a
    Dr Pepper can."

    "They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

    "John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
    never met."

    "The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
    metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."

    "The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."

    "Her head was a perfectly shaped oval, just like a circle that was pinched at two points."

    "Rachel was attached to Harry. She was like e coli and he was raw Canadian beef."
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze

    Man, that's poetry. :D
  • Originally posted by RedKennypup2004@Apr 10 2003, 01:59 AM
    [b] "Rachel was attached to Harry. She was like e coli and he was raw Canadian beef." [/b]

    Hey your gonna give Canadian beef a bad name!

    Good ones, Kenny.
  • Which one did you use Red? The nose hair one and the beef one were the best out of the lot. Just a pity I don't take English any more or I could give my teacher a migrane by using a couple (or all) of these in an essay.
  • I quote from my book report for Redwall by Brian Jacques:

    "Warbeak flew through the air gracefully, just like the way a bowling ball would not."
  • But a bowling ball would fly Throo the air very gracefully. Maybe something like a bowl of jelly would've been more fitting.
  • dang wer those funny :D :D :D