Need Advice
  • Hey folks, I need some advice. I've been raising my fiancees daughters for the last year. They and their mother have been living with me for roughly that long.

    Anyway, I recieved a phone call last night informing me that my 14 year old son will be in town on the 10th and wants to meet his father (me). Because I refused to wed his mother there was bad blood and she left the state. I haven't had any form of contact since he was 1 1/2 years old. Every day for 12 1/2 years I've rehearsed what I would say when we finally met again, but now it seems so trivial ( all the things I thought I should say).

    Does anyone have any advice on how I can repair the only thing I've ever regretted messing up my whole life? :think:
  • Just meet him.Things will work out.
  • I have no advice for you, but mainly this will help.

    Your son came to see you, and wants to see you...so just go and meet him and go with the flow.
  • If he is coming to see you, he prolly isnt looking to meet a father he is prolly coming to meet a friend. Since you havnt seen him so long dont try to be his father just be his friend. :)
  • I would have to agree with Gamer.
    You might want to find out what his interest are.
    I my self would not try to explain your absence unless he asks.
    Good luck and let us know how things go.
  • Rehearsed lines don't survive long in real life anyway so good idea to focus on other things. I can't imagine what type of approach to take but know enough about people to realize that the honest up front approach may seem the most painfull at first but in the end probably the most beneficial. Just make sure you let him know that the situation was not his fault and was a problem between you and his mother. Sometimes children will take some of the blame upon themselves which is most unfair. At least he's at an age where you can attempt to explain abstract concepts. Good luck and god speed.
    JV
  • I have to agree with gamerguy in saying that him wanting to meet you is definitely a positive thing, at least you know he's interested in meeting you, and probably doesn't hate you. I don't know how he's gonna feel, but I wouldn't really start off the conversation with "It didnt work out because I refused to marry your mother". Maybe he want's to meet you just to see who you are and what you're like, maybe the last thing he want's to talk about is why he hasn't seen you in 12 years. Sure, you'll have to bring it up sometime (to get it off your chest no doubt), but leave it until after the bonding because it could be somewhat uncomfortable for him, I know it would for me.

    So just relax, you'll be fine :)
  • Try to rid yourself of preconceived notions.
    Bring your "A" game.
    Be yourself.
  • Some excellent advice so far and I hope that I can add some more to it.

    Don't try to make up for lost time, meaning don't get him a gift or gifts to make up for missed birthdays and such. Just treat it like another day, I know that this isn't just another day but if you try to make it something it isn't you may just mess things up in the end.

    All I can really say is go meet him and then decide what to do.

    Good luck. ;)
  • Just be yourself. Your son has chosen to see you which means he is obviously interested. Be honest in everything he askes you.

    Good luck in winning his trust. :peace:
  • Well my friends, the meeting has occured. :disco:

    We seem to have hit it off pretty well, and if you see Sk8er2150 out here, that's my son. He is now a member of our beloved API.

    Thanks for your support, and thanks for your friendship. :peace:
  • Well folks, the previous post was my son. He also will be on API and is huge into gaming.

    I have just experienced the greatest weekend of my life. We were both very apprehensive for a bit, but found out that we are two peas in a pod. I've had roughly 16 hours sleep since Thursday due to trying to milk as much time with him as possible. His mother even stayed an extra day to give us more time.

    He's coming back next month for a few days, and we're not going to lose touch ever again. You folks were right, I was just myself and all went wonderfully. :clap:

    Sorry to chatter so long, but for all the experimentation I did in my youth, I've never felt so high in my life. I found something I've been missing for too long. :hug:

    Thanks for being my friends and understanding.
  • I'm glad you got along good. You got to love happy endings. JDM, you can probably be in toch all the time if he has an e-mail address. Good luck and I hope you have fun when he visits again.