• All right just say bar jokes and we can all have some good fun....right
    ill start with a stupid one so i dont take the good ones...yah thats why its kinda dumd ...yah

    Bear walks into a bar and says can i have a ____________________drink bartender says why the big paws.

    all right one more

    horse walks into a bar and the barteder says why the long face.

    :woot: your only jellous becaise in the only one that can hear the voices
    :doh: Stupid wall
  • A man walks in to a bar and says "ouch". :helpme:
  • I like this one:

    Two blondes walk into a bar. The brunette ducks.
  • A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a bourbon and water. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here"
  • 1 man walks into a bar and says can i have a drink he says no :g:
  • 2 bits of roads walk into a bar, order drinks and start talking about whose the hardest to impress the barmaid. The first one goes "I had a 20 car pile up last week & wasn't even scratched"

    2nd one "Yeah, I had a landslide trapping 50 people underneath & they had to use JCB diggers to clear up & I was only tickled"

    1st one "OK I had 5 petrol tankers exploded on me & I though I was getting a sun tan"

    2nd one "I had bio hazzard material leaked over me & didn't even flinch as though I was getting a make over done"

    1st one "I had a convoy of nuclear arms explode on me & thought I was getting woken up by my alarm clock"

    ..............................then this bit of red tarmac walked into the bar. The 2 bits of road went all quiet & looke down at there drinks. The red tarmac asked the barmaid where the toilets were & went to pay a visit. The barmaid turned to the 2 bits of road. "whats up with you 2, bragging you are hard & this little bit of red tarmac comes in & you go all Jelly. You both could have taken him"

    1st one "We don't mess with him..........................................................................

    ...........................He's a Cycle Path!!!" :devilish:

  • A rope walks into a bar and approaches the bartender, the bartender lokks down and says I'm sorry but we don't serve ropes in this establishment. The rope got all ticked off and in a fit ran out into the street and flung himself on the ground. After twisting and turning and rubbing all over the tarmac he decided to give it another shot.

    As he approached the bar the bartender asked " aren't you the rope I threw out of here a bit ago ?"

    The rope replied kindly " No, I'm a frayed knot"

  • A pig walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any strawberries?"
    Bartender replies with "no."
    Pig walks out of the bar.

    Next day, pig walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any strawberries?"
    Bartender again replies with "no."
    Pig walks out.

    This persists for several days, weeks even and the bartender becomes irritated with what the pig is doing because you would think pig would get the picture. So after a long time of this happening, pig walks in and bartender says before pig can even speak "Look pig, you've come into my bar for several weeks asking if I have any strawberries and I've told you no everytime. So, if you come in tomorrow asking me if i have any strawberries I'm gonna nail your piggy feet to the floor."

    Pig gives the bartender a look of being taken aback and leaves the bar.

    The next day, the bartender figures he's really gotten the pig scared when suddenly pig walks in and sits down at the bar.

    "Hey bartender!" Pig starts "You got any nails??"
    Bartender is a little puzzled and replies "No..why?"
    Pig smiles and exclaims, "GOOD!! Do you have any strawberries?"
  • Bear walks into a bar asks for adrink

    Bartender: Sorry we don't serve bears here

    Bear: I'd like a drink, please!

    Bartender: I told you we don't serve bears!!

    Bear: If you don't serve me I'll eat that guy at the end of the bar

    Bartender: I'm still not serveing you!

    So the bear walks over and eats the guy, walks back asks the bartender again for a drink.

    Bartender: I'm still not serveing you!

    Bear: O.k. FINE!!!

    Bear walks to end of bar,and eats the lady sitting at the end walks back to bartender and says now give me a drink.

    Bartender: Look I'm not serveing you!! Not only do we not serve bears but we definatlly do not serve bears on drugs!!

    Bear: What I'm not on drugs!!

    Bartender: Sure you are!! What about that Barbiturate(Bar witch You Ate)