• I thought this would be interesting, posting quotes that are either your favorites or that you think others may enjoy. Please, NO "quotes" from gaming characters or cartoons....

    Seeing as how the quotes posted here are not our own, PLEASE give credit the the originator.

    "It's stunning the way these left-wing wacko groups are given a special status in the media as if they speak for the American people or speak for an entire community."
    -Rush Limbaugh
  • Not my best but pretty funny......

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I cant help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    - Maria Carey

    [b]Nice thread Lucifer
  • "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I cant help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    - Maria Carey[/b]

    THAT is funny!! One just HAS to wonder where Ms. Carey's PR people were when she let that one loose eh?
  • This probably isn't a funny quote,but I like it.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Elenor Roosevelt(spelling?)
  • This probably isn't a funny quote,but I like it.[/b]

    It doesn't have to be a funny quote Red.....just one you like.... :thumbsup:

    "I am tired of fighting.... from where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever."
    Chief Joseph, Nez Perce
  • "It's funny,whenever you refuse to accept the best in life,you very often times get it."Anonymus
  • :2devilish: "The Church says that the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round. For I have seen the shadow on the moon and I have more faith in the Shadow than in the Church."

    -Ferdinand Magellan
  • "Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf."

    -American Indian Proverb
  • "On my left is one way to do it, on my right is another.
  • "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

  • The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the
    other b@stard die for his.

    -George Patton
  • :2devilish: "Quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est."

    Latin: "A sword never kills anybody; it is a tool in the killer's hand."

  • "We are going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
    - Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
  • [quote]"On my left is one way to do it, on my right is another.
  • "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
    - Former French President.

    ha ha Lu. You are right, a statment like that could only come from Jim.
  • [b]Heh Lu,I saw that idiot quote on a shirt once.
  • "It ain't over til it's over."
  • "You even called me stupid in your verse, and I
  • I got a millon of 'em, but these two are pretty good:

    "At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid." - Nietzsche

    "When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'" - Teddy Roosevelt
  • "Quick or nothing."Jigger
  • "When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'" - Teddy Roosevelt[/b]

    Oh sh!t....that is a riot!! I never heard that one......thanks for brightening up the day PB!!
  • "Life is like a videogame,you mess up..you gotta start over."
  • Some of the best times I ever had were in the backseat of a car.-The devil,the Devils revenge
  • [b][i] :2devilish:
  • " He who is loved shall be loved in reutrn" got it from Moulin Rouge
  • i got one that i think is good.

    "what a shame, my own defences have become my own self restrictions"
    -the lost prophets
  • [b] i have one from one of the funniest movies i've ever seen!!
  • Here's another good Yogism.....

    In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
    In practice, there is. - Yogi Berra
  • "Courage is when you know you've lost,but you keep fighting because you know it's the right thing to do."~Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)

    "Bravery is not the absense of fear,but the idea that things are more important than fear."~Princess Diaries
  • One Death is a tragedy,
    One million deaths is a statistic.

    Josef Stalin

  • "If home is where the heart is,then why don't I have a door?"
  • "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"
    - Brooke Shields

    "I haven't commited a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    - David Dinkins
  • Here are a few more to ponder:

    "The reverse side also has a reverse side."
    - Japanese proverb

    "I don't know what weapons World War Three will be fought with, but World War four will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

    "Procrastinate later." -unknown

    "Sleep, those little slices of death.....how I loathe them."
    -Edgar Allen Poe
  • My favorite Yogi-ism:

  • "I'm not illiterate!
  • ***POST DELETED***

    PC froze and posted twice.
  • :2devilish:

    "Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it."

    -Lyndon B. Johnson

    "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."

    "It ain't braggin' if you can back it up."
    -Dizzy Dean
  • "Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
  • "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...hate me because your man thinks I am"
  • "We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
    -Robin Williams
  • The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the
    other b@stard die for his.

    -George Patton[/b]

    I thought it went like...

    "No b@stard ever won a war by dying for his country, he won by making the other poor dumb b@stard die for his country"

    - George S. Patton

    An excellent choice, given the current Middle East situation.

    I also like:

    "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
    - Martin Luther King Jr.
  • :2devilish:

    "The leader of genius must have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they belonged to one category."

    -Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

    "Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die."

    -Salvador Dali

    "Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger."

    -Franklin Jones
  • A few more good ones:

    "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

    "Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
    - Saint Augustine

    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
    - Sir Winston Churchill

    "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
    - Oscar Wilde (no surprise, look at the source)

    "C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
    - Bjarne Stroustrup

    "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
    - Plato (427-347 B.C.)

    "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
    - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) (Hmmm, cosider the cource.)

    "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
    - unknown

    "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."
    - Frank Lloyd Wright

    "He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
    - H. H. Munro (Saki)

    Some by Asimov, who I love:

    The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!", but "That's funny..."

    Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right.

    Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.

    My favorite:

    If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
  • "When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite"


    "Golf is a game who's aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose"

    Both are attributed to Winston Churchill.
  • "I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
    - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

    "If you are going through hell, keep going."
    - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

    "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
    - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

    "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
    - Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
  • "Did you fall from a tree and hit every branch on the way down?"
  • When you sit with a girl for an hour,it feels like a minute,but if you sit on a stove for minute,it lasts waaay longer than any hour.-Anon
  • (While taking a man's pulse) "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."

    "He may walk like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you.
  • My personal favourite: What the????-Rove McManis
  • [b]"All the world is a stage..some people have their entrances and their exits.
  • Red, I don't mean this to be snotty, but perhaps you should research your "quotes" a bit, and post them verbatim.

    Here's a classic for the fishing crowd:

    "There's no taking trout with dry breeches"
  • These are my personal favourites, made by me and my friends
    Ga Hulhul-me, while tugging at collar

    This one has profanitah(profinaty)

    S**t f**k f**k-Eric Nash(egg)
  • "I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."
    Freddie Starr

    "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

    "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
    Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

    "I am not young enough to know everything."
    Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
  • "Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch!"
    -W.C. Fields
  • Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer.
    (If god did not exist it would be necessary to invent Him)

  • Thanks ve1tch, I always wondered what the ar of government was.
  • Life is but a walking shadow,a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage..and then is heard no more...it is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.MACBETH
  • "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion"


    WB, are you sure that wasn't "Cervesas"??
  • "To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
    - Charles William Stubbs

    "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
    - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

    "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction."
    - General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
  • "It takes a lot less time to do something right the first time then to explain why you did it wrong."

    "It's better to be happy that thorns have roses rather then sulk on why roses have thorns."
  • "The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away."
    -Ronald Regan

    "Republicans believe every day is 4th of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15."
    -Ronald Regan
  • "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H. G. Wells

    "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." - Plato

    "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." - Voltaire on his deathbed when a priest asked that he renounce Satan.
  • :2devilish:

    "Our doubts are traitors,
    And make us lose the good we oft might win
    By fearing to attempt."

    -William Shakespeare

    "I swear to the Lord
    I still can't see
    Why Democracy means
    Everybody but me."

    -Langston Hughes

    The Devil finds work for idle hands."


    Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."

    -Mark Twain
  • If it jams, force it.
  • "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which we will not put."
    -Winston Churchill

    "I don't have a problem with drugs, I have a problem with the law"
    -Keith Richards

    "I was born with a drinking problem:
  • "I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this Government: 'I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."
    Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965), Hansard, May 13, 1940

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

    "Prayer indeed is good, but while calling on the gods a man should himself lend a hand."
    Hippocrates (460 BC - 377 BC)
  • "Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye."

    "When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators."
    -P. J. O'Rourke

    "Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
    -Gerald Barzan
  • "The most important thing to remember about marriage is that with time everything gets bigger, hairier, and closer to the ground."
    -John(?) Hughes, from The Hughes Engagement Guide

    "It's the little things that count"
    -Toulouse Letrec

    "Your hole is my goal"
    -Roger Ramjet
  • "The most important thing to remember about marriage is that with time everything gets bigger, hairier, and closer to the ground."
    -John(?) Hughes, from The Hughes Engagement Guide[/b]

  • [b]Here's a few I came across tonight.
  • "Let them hate, so long as they fear."
    - Lucius Accius

    "Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."
    - Niccolo Machiavelli
  • Ya want irony??
  • This was either said by Thomas Jefferson or Benjamin Franklin but it was "He who would give up freedom for safety deserves neither"
  • "Fear not you'll get a f*cking, these goods are top-rated"
    -Commander Snot W. Goatlips III

    "But I hate grape"
    -overheard in Jonestown

    "The wind was really howling the other night, I got blown all the way down Santa Monica Blvd."
    -Eddie Murphy

    Old but Gold......
  • "It's much easier to get us to hate when the object of our hatred doesn't look like us."
    -Michael Moore
  • "They even have dogs that eat for the anorexic now"

    Prince Charles on siting a blind Girl with a guide dog
    --Steve Irwin :2bored:

    That isnt a knife mate,
    this is a knife!
  • You left out one lethal,

    This is the recession Australia had to have

    Paul Keating
  • "It's not what's on your nose that counts...it's what's inside."Doug
  • "My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
    -Emo Philips.

    "Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."
    -Scottish Proverb
  • "If you're going to pee standing up,then practice hitting the bull's eye and not the rim."
  • Some pretty good stuff here, took me a while to read 'em all though here's some of my favs.

  • "When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."
    -Chief Aupumut, 1725

    "It does not require many words to speak the truth."
    Chief Joseph, Nez Pierce
  • "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."
    Irving Caesar

    "We think in generalities, but we live in detail."
    Alfred North Whitehead

    "Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
    Victor Borge
  • "If you live on this land, and you have ancestors sleeping in this land, I believe that makes you a native to this land. It has nothing to do with the color of your skin. I was not raised to look at people racially. What I was taught is that we're flowers in the Great Spirit's garden. We share a common root, and the root is Mother Earth."

    Oh Shinnah

    From Black Hawk, Sauk
    "How smooth must be the language of the whites, when
    they can make right look like wrong, and wrong like right."

    Tom Brown, Jr., The Tracker
  • "Will somebody get this walking carpet outta my way?!"--Star Wars
  • "Eat cookie"-Mickey Blue Eyes
  • "a great moment for me."
    - Bill Clinton after passing the largest tax increase in American history on April 13, 1995

  • "If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college"
  • Hey, hey don't take those man! - Chong

    What's the hassle man? - Chong

    "She didn't wash the f##king dress?" - Bill Clinton, 1997

    "Where did all these f##king Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

    "What the f##k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, Aug., 1945
  • i got one i havent seen it posted yet

    >I'll be back
    you should know that one^

    >Life Is Like A Box Of Choclate You Never
  • "That is not the definition of "sexual relations" as I know it."- Billy "Cigar boy" Clinton :huh:
  • 'For I dipt into the future,
    far as human eye could see,
    Saw the Vision of the world,
    and all the Wonders that would be.'

    Alfred Lord Tennyson
    The lord of Burligh
  • "We can do that, we don't even need a reason!" Caddyshack :lol:
  • These are all from Douglas Adams' novels the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, which I've finally finished reading for the 2nd time.

    Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

    There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

    One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with.

    Orbiting this [sun] at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

    This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

    The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star Sprangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

    "Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin. "And what happened?" pressed Ford. "It committed suicide," said Marvin [...].

    "The Answer to the Great Question ..." "Yes ...!" "Of Life, the Universe and Everything ..." said Deep Thought. "Yes ...!" "Is ..." said Deep Thought, and paused. "Yes ...!" "Is ..." "Yes ...!!!...?" "Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
  • *cracks knuckles* I got too many.

    -What's another word for synonym?

    -Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?

    -If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?

    -Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

    -If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

    -If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

    -If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    -Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with

    -Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

    -The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

    Thats basically some of the repertoire i use. I like the above questions because it is impossible to answer them. Makes you think too. oh and one last one.

    -Life flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. *favorite one*

    Game On B)
  • Well gene if you can get away with them i'll add my repiture of rhetorical questions as well!!! Sorry if some are repeats of your's but im not going to change the numbers just because i had to remove 4 or so that you already had.

    1) If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
    2)How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live in it?
    3)What's the speed of dark?
    4)After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
    5)Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?
    6)If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
    7)Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
    8)Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
    9)Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
    10)If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
    11)Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse?
    12)Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to have an 's' in it?
    13)How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
    14)If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
    15)Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
    16)Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
    17)Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
    18)Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know that you don't have?
    19)If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
    20)What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
    21)If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
    22)Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
    23)When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
    24)Do fish get cramps after eating?
    25)Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
    26)Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are looking for something new?
    27)If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    28)When I rub a word out, where does it go?
    29)Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
    30)Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
    Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. Why?
    31)How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
    32)Why is it fake lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
    33)Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
    34)Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
    35)Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    36)Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs its '4s'?
    37)What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
    38)Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    39)If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
    40)Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
    41)Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it just SEEM longer?
    42)If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

    Thats the last one, but heres a little thought for you.

    People who ask, `Can I ask you a question?' don't really give you a choice, do they?

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