I got this in an e-mail, its funny:
Rules of a Man
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
Thank Goodness, that's all I can say about that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
I know how to work a toilet seat, I'm the one who cleans them, aren't I?
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
As long as The Steelers, Ravens, or Cowboys are playing, I not only have no problem with that, I have the nacho's ready too!!
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Is it really that easy!?!? No!!!!!! "I want you to put the coffee creamer back in the fridge if you're the last one to use it and you empty the coffee pot and you know it won't be used anymore" Reply: "Why are there so many Friggin' rules about the coffee!?!? I'll do whatever the <bleep> I want with the creamer!!!" So, I ask ya... what's the point of "just saying it"!? Blegh!!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
The man I'm married to is not normal, "yes" and "no" are not good enough.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
This coming Oct. 1, my headache will have lasted 15 years. Is that a problem that I should see a doctor about? 
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
And, what if we do dress like the Victoria's Secrets girls!? (some of us do, ya know) Can you make this rule clear to my spouse, please??
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us
how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Does that apply to above-mentioned coffee creamer?
1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
I'm too busy in the kitchen during commercials to say anything, I'll just have to walk it off... rub some dirt on it.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Ok Magnus, what the heck *IS* mauve!?!?!?
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
Me too.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
You really want an honest answer, huh? heehee, Whooooooo boy, I can tell ya, no you don't!! 
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear Is fine...Really.
Whipping out blood-red Victora's Secret bra and thong set with seam-up-the-back stockings, black velvet pumps, and nothing else, is that ok?
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
Can we change golf to hockey or boxing please?
1. You have enough clothes.
No I don't.
1. You have too many shoes.
If 3 pairs is too many, you're sick in the head.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.