Some time ago:

If the gas tank on a lawn mover says "Let cool down for 5 minutes before filling", it really means "Let cool down for 5 minutes or more, or tank will explode".

Everyday

Don't stare at girls (especially the beautiful ones) they 'always' think that you have a crush on them....

why is that anyway?

Almost two weeks ago...on a Wednesday...

When injuring your hand at work, make sure you can handle the pain.
If you can't, make sure when you pass out someone is nearby to catch you when you fall.
When you regain consciousness, don't jump up right away, unless you like being on the floor again.

And most important......If you must embarrass yourself at work, be sure you can handle the nick-names people are going to give you. :swear:

Monday: When buying a new pair of trousers, never get them so tight that when you first sit down you hear a ripping sound - thank goodness I was still in the changing room in the store at the time !

DO NOT play russian roulette with a bag of revels if one in the group has a nut allergy!!

If you have a concern about about making noices in a public restroom that makes it hard for you to do what you're in there doing, simply bring a set of headphones with your favourite music, turn the volume up and let it rip. If you can't hear it neither can somebody else, right?!

... and yes, I am a bit fixated on the ooh:" class="inlineimg" />

It is wise to put on a helmet when going for a ride with a bike.
However, if you put on a helmet but forget to ride the bike you might look like a moron walking down the street.

(Had my mind on other things this morning )

Today : If you havent been to the gym for ages, when you used to go 3 times a week, dont try and replicate your old routine... also, make sure you have eaten something that day. Note : Heavy workout may result in heavy stomach fluctuations...........

When consuming alcoholic beverages,

Extinguish the flaming Sambuca before attempting to toss it back (repeat flaming). If that fails, make sure you are with friends who have full water glasses in front of them.

If you've been having some lagers and happen to have fallen asleep upon your leg, wait for the feeling to come back before attempting to lurch your way bedward. It's much easier to remain upright and leaves your furniture intact.

When having a Guiness pub draught ale (with the built in CO2 charger) make sure you cool it down in the fridge prior to opening if you wish to savour the whole can.

Today, just now, after reading JamesV's post...

When considering starting a career in consuming alcoholic beverages, read and re-read other people's posts and then re-consider the whole thing!
(it sounds way too dangerous and just too darned much work)

Here's one from an exotic locale. A friend was on a small island somewhere in the south seas. Haven't seen him in a while but he would tell you that if you were in such a place and were going to go out snorkeling, make sure that there is no scorpion hiding in your wetsuit prior to stuffing yourself into it. It will save you a visit to the local medicine woman (since there aren't many doctors on many of those tiny islands) as well as several days of severe illness. I guess it pays to be observant.

While picking up a stack of VHS movies in one hand, be sure not to be in bare feet and be sure that the openings of the boxes are *not* facing downward. However, if you are barefoot and the openings are facing downward, be sure not to hold the stack directly over one of those bare feet, as one of the tapes in the middle may just slide out of the box and land directly onto one of your toes, breaking it in the process.

"If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, take the spoon out of the cup". (Norm Crosby)