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| Jokes, Trivia and Entertainment Jokes, Trivia and Entertainment (Be advised some content may not be suitable for younger readers) |
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#1
12-27-2002, 02:02 PM
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 Know a good nerdy joke? Tell it!!!! Heres one to get folks started... (i dont recall when i first heard it, btu it was a couple of years ago now, but it has surfaced on another list im on and it spurred me to post it) There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary jokes, and those who don't.  h34r:" class="inlineimg" />     |
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#2
12-27-2002, 03:57 PM
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| <span style="font-family:Optima">I dont get it...................??????????................... ...........Am i missing Somthing?? Oh hang on...10 is a binary number......I still dont really get it....Ah well i will learn in time</span> |
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#3
12-28-2002, 01:12 PM
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| As the head of a world wide tribe of nerds I truely enoyed those. You wished for more, here you go: Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie soda = 1 lite year Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon 1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 1 million microphones = 1 phone 1 trillion microphones = 1 megaphone 10 cards = 1 decacards 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 10 rations = 1 decoration 2 monograms = 1 diagram You Might Be An Engineer (or nerd) If... * You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. * You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division. * You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force". * You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. * It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer. * You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water. * You think in "math". * You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges. * You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function. * The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. * You can translate English into Binary. * You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab. * You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy". * When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe. * The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it. * You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading. * You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson. * You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects. * You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work. * You have never backed up your hard drive. * You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep. * You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon * You've ever calculated how much you make per second. * You understood more than five of these jokes. * You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page*!)
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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#4
12-28-2002, 02:08 PM
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| :lol: They are great!!!! Mind if i steal them? h34r:" class="inlineimg" /> |
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#5
12-28-2002, 02:46 PM
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| Read the last line and make your choice 
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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#6
12-29-2002, 01:11 AM
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| *snags and runs* h34r:" class="inlineimg" /> |
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#7
02-28-2003, 02:18 PM
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| One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.* One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence. The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design. The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it. The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."* Top ten excuses for not doing homework: * I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. * Isaac Newton's birthday. * I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it. * I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin. * I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged. * I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy. * I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it. * I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one. * I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee. * I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk. * I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it. The combination of the Einstein and Pythagoras discoveries: E= m c^2= m ( a^2 + b^2) Q: What is the area of a circle? A: pi R^2? R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square And remember, a circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.*
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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#8
02-28-2003, 03:12 PM
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| Quote:
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#10
02-28-2003, 07:28 PM
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| What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway! What is green and smells? Hulk's fart. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant. Is it mine? |
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#11
03-01-2003, 01:41 AM
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| :lol: Susan, yes it does. Seems as if you been spending a little too much time reading my PM:s. The Einstein-Phythagoras joke is my personal favourite so you still have a way to go. FlamChop: Though they are funny they are not very nerdy, you know what I'm saying. 
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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#12
03-03-2003, 06:40 AM
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| You know I actually understood almost all of them. The only one I didn't get was the one about the Klein Bottle. What's that when it's at home? The rest were pretty hilarious and I'll have to show them to a few of my Geeky pals. Man they wont even understand why they're jokes since they'll probably assume that everyone think's that way. Guess that means I still have a way to go before I join the ranks of 'true' Geeks. As do the rest of you. Oh and if you understand less than 20% of those jokes you aren't a geek. 20% to 50% and you're a very low level Geek (a.k.a. a Nerd), 51% to 80% a low level Geek and 81% to 100% you're a medium level Geek. But if you don't understand any of the jokes for the aforementioned reasons then you are a true geek. And since I only didn't understand one of them I suppose I qualify as a medium level Geek. |
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#13
03-03-2003, 09:32 AM
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| The Klein bottle is an unorientable surface that can't be physically realized in 3D space. It can be done in 4 dimensions however.
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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#15
03-04-2003, 12:06 AM
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| Crashkart, You've never heard the saying "I think, therefore I am." as in "Since I have thought processes and am consciously aware of these proceses, I must exist, for if I did not exist I would not be conscious of these thoughts, in fact I would not even have these thoughts to be conscious of, there wouldn't even be a me to have these thoughts, please, I'm getting tired & I just want to go home, can you please just accept 'I think, therefore I am', so we can be done with it. Thank you" So you see, those Five words can mean quite alot. |
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#16
03-04-2003, 01:53 AM
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| The Einstein-Pythagoras joke was good, but I thought the mathematician and his fence was funnier. It's an opinion thing, though. :P |
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#17
03-04-2003, 11:25 AM
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 All the jokes that I just read were good, I can't say that I have a favorite though! |
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#18
03-04-2003, 01:36 PM
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| Ok, if this one is your favourite then truely you are a nerd :lol: A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems. The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health. The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife --- you can do some mathematics. You want some more? (Prehaps something that is funny) Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide..* A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population. According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority. The results of statistics 1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. Work stuffs up your eyesight 1. All dogs are animals 2. All cats are animals 3. Therefore, all dogs are cats 1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second 2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second 3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant
__________________ 'Did you say pig, or fig?' |
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