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Jokes, Trivia and Entertainment Jokes, Trivia and Entertainment (Be advised some content may not be suitable for younger readers)

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  #1  
Old 04-27-2003, 12:32 AM
Soul Storm
 
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Well, I suppose I am gonna start out with a couple that might be a little cliche to the internet community if you read some of the funnies that are out there on the net.

I really enjoyed this one... "Do you work at UPS?" And usually the girl will reply with a No and you can follow it up with " 'cuz I could have sworn you were checking out my package!"

Another one to get you a good punch in the face is "Hey baby why don't you bring your software over to my house and we'll try it on my hardware!"

Now that I have started the cheezball fest let us all rejoice and continue!

-SS

eace:
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  #2  
Old 04-27-2003, 07:52 AM
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The best one ever...

"If its true that you are what you eat, then I could be you in the morning."
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  #3  
Old 04-27-2003, 10:41 AM
Soul Storm
 
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A couple more...

Are you from Venus? again usually a no answer, c'uz your behind is out of this world!

and

Are you a traffic ticket? ... because you've got FINE written all over you!

-SS

eace:
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  #4  
Old 04-27-2003, 11:35 AM
ali-g7
 
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I've got 1!

Can I borrow your phone, because god is looking for his missing angel and she just happends to be standing next to me.

ali-g7

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  #5  
Old 04-28-2003, 12:06 AM
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If you get a really cold response the you can respond " No problem , I had to go and have a crap anyway "
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  #6  
Old 04-28-2003, 10:04 PM
breathoffire4 breathoffire4 is offline
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dang dees are heck o' funny :woot: :woot: :woot:
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  #7  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:30 PM
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<span style="color:red">"You make me feel like there's something wrong with my pants."

"I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

"Come over here hunny and sit on Santa's lap and we'll talk about whatever pops up."

"That's a nice blouse you have there, it'll look nice on the floor next to my bed."

"If I followed you home...would you keep me?"

"Did it hurt?" Girl replies "Did what hurt?".."When you fell down from Heaven."

"I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?"

"Have you seen my library card, cuz I'm'a checking you out!"

Those are the only ones I can remember off the top of my head.</span>
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  #8  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:46 PM
Soul Storm
 
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I likes the posts even the one from my Arch nemesis in the av awards! Heh, lets see if we can't keep them coming!!!

-SS

eace:
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  #9  
Old 04-29-2003, 05:26 AM
gjc300 gjc300 is offline
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How about:

You are one of those that get more beautiful every day and today, you look like tomorrow..................

Not the best but pretty good. :drool:
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  #10  
Old 04-29-2003, 05:27 AM
SusanB SusanB is offline
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Then, there's always the line from the old song,
"If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

And the ever popular "Excuse me, you have something hanging out of your nose."
(works like a charm!!)

Oh yeah, and the "Pardon my staring, but you look just like my 4th husband!" when asked how many times you've been married, you say "Three".

All I can think of at the moment.
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  #11  
Old 04-29-2003, 05:58 AM
hangoverqueen hangoverqueen is offline
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Your daddy must have been a rich guy to afford those diamonds in your eyes...

Shame there isn't a smilie for a big pile of CHEESE
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  #12  
Old 04-29-2003, 08:27 PM
breathoffire4 breathoffire4 is offline
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why do these keep getting funnyer ????? :swear: :swear: :fight:
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  #13  
Old 04-30-2003, 12:48 PM
rollerangel288 rollerangel288 is offline
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Cool

I REALLY like this one:

"let me try the horizontal line test on you"

this one's kinda funny:

"yes that's a natural log in my pants."

and theres always:

"Are u tired" and the girl would probably say "Why?" and then "cuz youve been running through my mind all day."
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  #14  
Old 04-30-2003, 01:14 PM
hangoverqueen hangoverqueen is offline
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How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fried, scrambled or fertilised?

That is such a bad one, but it has been used and found to be successful.

My personal favourite, before I got ed up was

Could I just pretend I know you for a few minutes so that creep over there will get the message and leave me alone?

although I might not have been so polite... :lol:
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  #15  
Old 04-30-2003, 02:35 PM
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I really don't recommend this one, it didn't seem to work.

I actually watched a person in my bar sit down next to a young lady and ask

"Can I smell your feet?"

She looked horrified and replied "NO"

He then smiled and said

" Oh I'm sorry it must be your p :swear: y"

Don't try this one at home!
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  #16  
Old 04-30-2003, 03:09 PM
Soul Storm
 
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Uh... some of these are becoming just wrong! I said goofy!!! Goofy goofy goofy... okay inuendos are cool, but raunchy ain't no good!!! sheesh some people!

-SS

eace:
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  #17  
Old 04-30-2003, 04:27 PM
tonygillis tonygillis is offline
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Thumbs down

"Those cloths would look good on the floor"
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  #18  
Old 04-30-2003, 04:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by tonygillis@Apr 30 2003, 03:27 PM
"Those cloths would look good on the floor"
I already did that one.

Copycat.
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  #19  
Old 04-30-2003, 05:43 PM
SusanB SusanB is offline
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"Is it really hot in here, or is it just you?" :drool:
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  #20  
Old 05-01-2003, 12:59 AM
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How about the two buddies at the club and the one says to the other " No! You're supposed to put the sausage in front."
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  #21  
Old 05-01-2003, 12:04 PM
tonygillis tonygillis is offline
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RedKennypup2004: I think you said one about a blouse! And I have another one... I better call god and tell him he is missing an angel! I got that off The Simpsons!
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  #22  
Old 05-01-2003, 12:46 PM
rollerangel288 rollerangel288 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by ali-g7@Apr 27 2003, 01:35 PM
Can I borrow your phone, because god is looking for his missing angel and she just happends to be standing next to me.
No offense or anything tony...but ali kinda already said that one...
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  #23  
Old 05-01-2003, 01:09 PM
tonygillis tonygillis is offline
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I heard mine off "The Simpsons" and it is in different words. and names start with capitals! J/K!
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