GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to
the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I
had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,
honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green
rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.
The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and
went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it - sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow.
And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep

moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as
they
rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural
circle
of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: Noooo. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough!!! I don't want to think about this anymore. St.
Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about ...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

poor God. He has to go through such headache and then he is offered to watch Dumb and Dummer.
:think:
hehe, now that i think about it. its funny.

Sorry Darkraven but I had to point this out. You must be in the sequel, Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer.

Those 'suburbanites' are retards. Don't rake your lawn, that grass adds much need nutrients to the lawn. Don't rake the leaves, mulch them up as well.

Silly, just silly. But then again by looking at my lawn you'd think that I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

That was absolutely brilliant! I'm also an offender. There's nothing like a different perspective to give one something to mull over. A friend of mine was renting a house with another fellow and had a neighbour who did nothing at all to their back yard. One can only assume the neighbours owned the house. It was quite incredible to see. A microcosm of what the natural environment probably would have looked like without the suburban environment. I bet those people were some of the most hated people in the whole town. You have to respect that.