Rules of a Man

**Mike C STAFF** · #1 10-19-2006, 07:47 PM

I got this in an e-mail, its funny:

Rules of a Man

We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us
how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.

**Melinda S STAFF** · #2 10-19-2006, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C STAFF

Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

So this is why men can't prioritize.

jay290783 · #3 10-20-2006, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melinda S STAFF

So this is why men can't prioritize.

I believe it is in fact stating that every one of them is a priority. Afterall, most men think they're number 1

I neither admit nor deny that statement regarding myself

p.s. I agree with the colour statements. I have no idea what Mauve is

Taksy · #4 11-05-2006, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason F Staff

p.s. I agree with the colour statements. I have no idea what Mauve is

I wholeheartedly agree

jay290783 · #5 11-06-2006, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taksy

I wholeheartedly agree

Well I'm glad somebody does

Taksy · #6 12-20-2006, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C STAFF

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.

i was re-reading this when i re-noticed this...

perhaps we make you guys sleep on the couch because we beleive it is a sort of punishment to you to be away from us, or maybe we are just so mad at you guys that we don't want you guys near us while we sleep?

Just a bit of food for thought... I know i'd be sad if i was made to sleep in a different room as my husband.

/sadpanda

James VanB. · #7 12-23-2006, 08:45 AM

16 colours? I thought there were only 8. Also, beer can be a food group, if it has to be. When I first got together with my wife, I only began to realize the significance of the coming changes in my life when it became apparent that it was not ok to make racing car noises when pushing the shopping cart.

**Melinda S STAFF** · #8 12-23-2006, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C STAFF

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

Really? A beautiful woman isn't somewhere in that mix of a male mind? Pah! I'll believe that when I see it.

Jerry M STAFF · #9 01-06-2007, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James VanB.

16 colours? I thought there were only 8.

No kidding? I thought there were like, three.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melinda S STAFF

Really? A beautiful woman isn't somewhere in that mix of a male mind? Pah! I'll believe that when I see it.

Believe what you like, but that response is autonomic and resides somewhere south of the higher brain functions

**Magnus A STAFF** · #10 01-07-2007, 01:57 AM

To back you up there MEL, I'll have you know that I rarely, if ever, think about neithet baseball, shotgun formations or golf.
But then I also happens to know what color mauve is so I guess I don't qualify as "man".

jay290783 · #11 01-07-2007, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magnus A STAFF

But then I also happens to know what color mauve is so I guess I don't qualify as "man".

OMG we have an intruder. A male with a females brain. What sort of mixed up whacked out scientific testin are they doing where you live?

p.s. I never think about baseball or golf, and I don't even know what sport the shotgun formation is in (american football?) let alone think about it.
I am guilty of FOOTBALL (soccer for the awkward ones out there), Rugby League, er...COMPUTER GAMES, and sometimes...
...girls

Susan B STAFF · #12 01-08-2007, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C STAFF

I got this in an e-mail, its funny:

Rules of a Man

We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

Thank Goodness, that's all I can say about that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

I know how to work a toilet seat, I'm the one who cleans them, aren't I?

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

As long as The Steelers, Ravens, or Cowboys are playing, I not only have no problem with that, I have the nacho's ready too!!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Is it really that easy!?!? No!!!!!!
"I want you to put the coffee creamer back in the fridge if you're the last one to use it and you empty the coffee pot and you know it won't be used anymore"
Reply: "Why are there so many Friggin' rules about the coffee!?!? I'll do whatever the <bleep> I want with the creamer!!!"

So, I ask ya... what's the point of "just saying it"!? Blegh!!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

The man I'm married to is not normal, "yes" and "no" are not good enough.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

This coming Oct. 1, my headache will have lasted 15 years. Is that a problem that I should see a doctor about?

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

And, what if we do dress like the Victoria's Secrets girls!? (some of us do, ya know) Can you make this rule clear to my spouse, please??

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us
how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Does that apply to above-mentioned coffee creamer?

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.

I'm too busy in the kitchen during commercials to say anything, I'll just have to walk it off... rub some dirt on it.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Ok Magnus, what the heck *IS* mauve!?!?!?

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

Me too.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

You really want an honest answer, huh? heehee, Whooooooo boy, I can tell ya, no you don't!!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear Is fine...Really.

Whipping out blood-red Victora's Secret bra and thong set with seam-up-the-back stockings, black velvet pumps, and nothing else, is that ok?

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

Can we change golf to hockey or boxing please?

1. You have enough clothes.

No I don't.

1. You have too many shoes.

If 3 pairs is too many, you're sick in the head.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.

And some of us really don't mind you sleeping on the couch either... it's like having the whole bed to ourselves and control of the covers!!!!!!! Muuuaaahahahahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaa (and that leaves us free to snore all we want without you poking us a million times in the middle of the night, interrupting our ever-so-important beauty rest!) < =P

Rory K STAFF · #13 01-09-2007, 02:40 PM

Susan

I will take you anywhere you want if you are wearing the outfit mentioned above.
I only ask one thing in return - that you sit down with my missus and explain that this is an acceptable outfit for all occasions except possibly funerals and maybe a bar mitzvah

tanpopo · #14 01-09-2007, 03:23 PM

hey susan! you have that outfit too? i wear that one everywhere!

Susan B STAFF · #15 01-10-2007, 09:39 PM

Rory, I would be ever so happy to!! Please ask her when it would be convenient, I am available any time!

Tanpopo, I used to wear mine everywhere, grocery shopping was my favourite, but then Hubby caught on and has hidden it from me, to be worn only on special certain ocassions.... (the old party pooper) No more red-thong bar mitvah's for me!

**Mike C STAFF** · #16 01-18-2007, 07:23 PM

I missed you speedie

**Magnus A STAFF** · #17 01-19-2007, 09:56 AM

Mauve is a type of purple thats more pink than brown, the kind you'd fancy pimp-outfits made of plush to be.

Good to have you back sweetie.

Susan B STAFF · #18 01-24-2007, 05:32 AM

Hmmm... a Brown/Purple/Pink Plush Pimp outfit!? That has Jerry's name aaaalllllll over it!!!!!!!!!

It is sooooooooooo good to be back!!!!!! Thank you MannlyMan and Mike!!

PlayStation Community Forum - PlayStation Network