20 Ways To Annoy the Telemarketer

**Melinda S STAFF** · #1 05-03-2007, 09:31 PM

Found this in my email a few years ago and just got it once again. I can personally attest that I've done at least five of these. I've placed stars next to those I've done. It actually works really well!

Enjoy!

20 Ways to Annoy the Telemarketer
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed
for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

(*)2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...". When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

(*)4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.

(*)5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

(*)6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends .. Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?
Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company,
they often can't sell to employees.

(*)11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.

12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"
and ask if they could bring you some food.

15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.

17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up
...louder...louder...louder...

19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write
EVERY WORD down.

20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.

**Mike C STAFF** · #2 05-04-2007, 08:40 AM

I haven't gotten a telemarketer call since they made the do not call list.

I'd love to get on the phone and talk like Napolean Dynomite though. It would be halarious. I would ask them, hey do you have sweet bowstaff skills.

**Melinda S STAFF** · #3 05-04-2007, 10:40 AM

We're on the do not call list too..but we STILL get calls from telemarketers.

MCWHAMMER · #4 05-04-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C STAFF

I haven't gotten a telemarketer call since they made the do not call list.

I'd love to get on the phone and talk like Napolean Dynomite though. It would be halarious. I would ask them, hey do you have sweet bowstaff skills.

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills, like with numchucks.

Telemarketers suck. The Do Not Call list worked for my house... Melinda, if you signed up for it and it did not work, then you are allowed to report those who still call you to the "Donotcall.gov" site. It is a serious offense if they keep calling you, and if you can write down their company name and number, they can get in a lot of trouble.

The bad thing is, if you're household does business with the company that is calling (Like cable tv or something like that), they can call you as much as they want

.

I liked this list, its funny. If by chance some telemarketer does get through, I usually find a good place to set the phone down and continue with my life. I did it once while playing "Resistance", and cranked the surround sound all the way up. I wonder what they thought when they heard me shooting screaming aliens with my carbine gun? They probably hung up pretty quick...

Susan B STAFF · #5 05-09-2007, 09:41 AM

I typically don't say anything once they identify themselves. I just stick
the phone reciever into the freezer, close the door, and go on about my merry business.

**Mike C STAFF** · #6 05-09-2007, 01:26 PM

Welcome back speedie, again lol.

Susan B STAFF · #7 05-09-2007, 08:37 PM

Thankee thankeee. Just been hangin' out here bein' a lazy bum. =)

I thought of another response to those pesky telemarketers earlier, when the
phone rang while I was serving dinner.
One night we got one of those calls at quarter of 9:00 PM. Grrrrrr!!!!!! So, I picked up the phone and said, "WHAT the H3II are you DOING calling my house at THIS HOUR!?!?!" The guy stammered, "Uuuh, I, aah, mmm..."
So, I said again, "WHY are you disturbing my household at THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT!?!?!" He hung up.

Darn I'm good!!!!!

golem88 · #8 05-09-2007, 11:32 PM

How 'bout this:
They call and ask to talk to Joe(who is your deceased grandfather) and you tell them that they would need a medium to do that because he is deceased! haha

henryd · #9 05-10-2007, 01:56 AM

I didn't know what do if I am still getting solicitations, thanks. I signed up for that no-call list a while ago.

Susan B STAFF · #10 05-17-2007, 04:14 PM

Oooh, but it is so much more fun to mess with them!!!!!!!!!

One time I put on a fake accent and told the person that there had been a death in the family and Mr. and Mrs. were out of the country and wouldn't be
back for a few months, and that I had no authority to authorize anything, I
was just the housekeeper. Ooooh that was fun!!!!!!

**Jane N STAFF** · #11 05-18-2007, 12:03 AM

Susan - your evil!!! But its so great to have you back - How is the house coming along? Is your son enjoying college?? You need to post more often mrs!!!!!!

Susan B STAFF · #12 05-20-2007, 07:57 AM

Nooo, I'm not evil, telemarketers are!!!!! Ok, well, maybe not "precisely" evil, but they are truly beyond annoying and pushy!! I don't understand what part of "NO" is so hard to understand.

As for the personal stuff, I'll just update you in a PM, and keep this post topic-friendly.

I do plan to be in live-chat later though, so I hope I see you there!!!

takero · #13 06-23-2007, 10:22 PM

I try to sell them things, like this raunchy sofa I have lying around my place. Or read them ads from the classified section.

I also like to pretend to be someone working in their office, trying to convince them that they've called a co-worker instead and I'm playing an office prank on them.

Try it some time.

**Mike C STAFF** · #14 06-25-2007, 11:55 AM

Do any of you listen to bob and tom on the radio? They have a comedian named Donny Baker who is always trying to sell his boat.

I would love to pretend to be him and try to sell a boat the telemarketers.

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